Hanging Out Or Hooking Up?
How’s It Going?
Does the person you are seeing (or hooking up with):
✔ Treat you well?
✔ Respect you (including what you feel comfortable doing sexually)?
✔ Give you space to hang out with your friends?
✔ Let you wear what you want to wear?
If you answered YES—it sounds like they care about you.
Are There Times...
The person you are seeing:
✘Shames you or makes you feel stupid?
✘Controls where you go, reads your texts or makes you feel afraid?
✘Threatens to put something on social media to control you?
✘Grabs your arm, yells at you, or pushes you?
You are not alone, and nobody deserves to be treated this way.For help and support, text/call hotlines on the back of this card.
What About Respect?
Anyone you’re with (hanging out, or hooking up) should:
- Make you feel safe and listened to.
- Never pressure you or try to get you drunk or high, especially if they use that to hook up with you.
- Ask if it’s ok to touch you, kiss you (or whatever else).
How would you want your best friend, sister, or brother to be treated by someone they were going out with? Ask yourself if the person you are seeing treats you with respect, and if you treat them with respect.
Social Media and Texts
Getting a lot of texts can feel good—“Wow, this person really likes me.”
What happens when the texts start making you uncomfortable, nervous, or they keep coming nonstop? Or what happens when you join an anonymous social media site that seemed cool at first but is now asking you to do things that cross the line?
Figuring out what to say can be hard, especially if you like the person.
Be honest. “You know I really like you, but I really don’t like it when you text me about where I am all the time or pressure me for nude pics.” For more tips on what to say go to www.thatsnotcool.com.
What About Sex?
Can you talk to the person you are seeing about:
- How far you want to go sexually?
- What you don’t want to do?
- Preventing STDs by using condoms?
- Birth control? (For info on free local services: www.bedsider.org)
If you answered NO to any of these questions, maybe this person is pushing you to do things you don’t want to do. If you feel worried about how to bring this stuff up, try using this card for help. “I’m really having trouble saying what I need—can you look at this with me? I think it will help get us talking.”
Sometimes the person you are having sex with wants to have a baby before you are ready and pressures you. Pressuring someone about something that important isn’t ok. Love shouldn’t be about control or pressure. Ask yourself, has my partner ever:
✘ Pressured me to get pregnant?
✘ Not used a condom when they said they would?
✘ Messed with my birth control?
If so, there are birth control methods a partner can’t mess with like the IUD (with strings removed) and emergency contraception. There is a ton of info on what these methods are and how they work: www.bedsider.org
Sex, Power and You
- Sometimes it starts with trading sex for little things—like getting your hair and nails done or new clothes.
- Sometimes you need a place to sleep or a shower, and the only way to get that is to have sex with someone.
- Sometimes it starts with someone you feel really likes you—but they end up making you have sex with other people for money.
Maybe they hurt or are hurting you.
No matter what, you are not alone. There are folks that can help.
Please call 24/7 (for yourself or a friend)—it’s free and confidential: 1 (888)-373-7888 or text “Befree” 233733
How to Help a Friend
Do you have a friend that is being hurt?
Try these steps to help them:
- Tell them what worries you and that you care.
- Talk in a private place, and don’t tell other friends what was said.
- Give them a copy of this card and tell them about the hotlines on it.
- If you or someone you know is feeling so sad that they plan to hurt themselves and/or wish they could die—get help. Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Confidential and free chat, text, call line provides support 24/7:
text “START” to 88788
Free, anonymous safety aid: myplanapp.org
Low cost healthcare and sexual health information: bedsider.org