Caring Relationships, Healthy You

 

How are things feeling?

Do my partner(s):

1. Support me and respect my choices?
2. Support me in spending time with friends or family?

Do I:

1. Feel comfortable talking about my feelings, sex, and other impotant things with my partner(s)?
2. Support my partner(s), their independence, and their identities?

These are some elements of healthy relationships, which can contribute to good physical and mental health.

Everyone deserves to have partners who respect them and listen to what they want and need. Ask yourself:

Do I have concerns about the way...

• I am being treated?
• I am treating my partner(s)?

Unhealthy relationships can have negative effects on your health.

 

Unhealthy: Do you or your partner...

1. Use guilt or jealously to influence what the other person does or who they see?
2. Put the other person down or make them feel bad about themselves?
3. Threaten to out the other’s gender identity, sexual orientation, HIV status or immigration status?
4. Refuse to recognize the other person’s name, pronoun, or identity?
5. Control the other’s money or spending freedom?
6. Restrict the other’s access to medicine (hormones, anti-anxiety/depression, PrEP/PEP, ART, substance replacement therapy, birth control)?
7. Pressure the other person to do something sexual they don’t want to do? Or fetishize or exoticize the other person’s identity and/or body without consent?

Actions like these can be harmful for your emotional and physical health. Help is available.  

 

Is your relationship affecting your health? 

1. Do you often feel depressed, anxious or stressed? Is your relationship making it worse?
2. Are you drinking, smoking, or using drugs more  in order to cope with what is going on in your relationship(s)?

3. Have you noticed a change in your appetite, weight, or sleeping habits?

4. Do you have health issues that can be worsened by chronic stress?

You are not alone! Abuse and/or domestic violence occurs in all kinds of relationships. 

The fact that it happens often does not make it okay.

You deserve to be in a relationship that is supportive and feels good. Help is available.

 

A plan the works for you:

If you feel that there is something not right about your relationship it could be helpful to talk with a trusted friend or advocate about what you have been experiencing.

Together, you could formulate a plan about:

1. How to get support for things you may be doing to help you cope, such as: binge drinking, using drugs, eating too much or too little.
2. How to connect with your health provider about what to do if your partner is restricting your access to medications or health visits, and other ways that your relationship could be affecting your health.
3. How to reduce harm within your relationship and/or develop a safety plan.
4. How to connect with resources on the back of this card and in your community to learn about your options.

Are you worried about a friend being controlled or hurt? Try these steps: 

1. Tell them what worries you and that you care, without judgment or shame. 
2. Let them know you are there for them. Listen and believe. 
3. Give them the info described here and tell them about the resources below. 

 

National, confidential hotlines can connect you to local resources and provide support 24/7 via phone, text, or online chat:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) | text “START” to 88788 | thehotline.org 

Free, anonymous safety aid: myplanapp.org 

Low cost healthcare and sexual health information: bedsider.org 

Trans-specific safety planning tool: https://forge-forward.org/resource/safety-planning-tool/

National LGBT Institute on IPV: https://lgbtqipvinstitute.org/resources-for-survivors/

The Trevor Project Crisis line for LGBTQ Youth

1-866-488-7386 | thetrevorproject.org

Other helpful resources:

The Northwest Network | nwnetwork.org

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs | avp.org/ncavp

FORGE for trans people and allies | forge-forward.org